Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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