he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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