i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
