Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You need Xanax blowdarts
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
