so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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