Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
