I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
