So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
