I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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