Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
