Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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