Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
