I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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