I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
