Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
