she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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