doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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