It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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