her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
