mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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