Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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