I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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