Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
