We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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