Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
