Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
