You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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