At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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