I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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