my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
