So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
