the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
