Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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