I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is this like a preordered booty call?
pray to the hookup gods
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
