Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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