we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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