the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
