Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
