No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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