doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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