absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
