Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
