there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
