Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
