Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
