a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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