I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
