forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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