fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
