the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
