i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
