Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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