those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
