I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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