am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
