wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
