Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
