barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
