is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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