he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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