You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
