when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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