just come out here and I will go home with you...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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