I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
