Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
