i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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