I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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