I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
