My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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