So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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