whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
