the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All the doctor said was why
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