I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
