how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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